Korê in New York

What happens when a kid refuses to leave the past behind? What happens when the past won't go away? Read on and don't worry about the emotional damage.

1. Anthony

   Mom was the star speaker at the Young Achievers’ meeting the Sunday after American in Paris closed. After all, she was a Young Achiever’s heroine. All those years spent as a school administrator paid off in a weird way. And yes, I am proud of my mother. Yes, she wasn’t always the kindnest or most skilled parent. And yes, Kyril has his own problems and Nervy probably has hers. You know I have mine, but so what.

   The hardest part of the meeting came after the free cans of soda and slices of pretty good pizza, half of which I threw in the garbage in anticipation of things to come. I mean the pizza, not the soda of course. We had what was called Family Workshop and Nervy, RoAnn, and I were the stars. This is the kind of stardom nobody ever wants.

   I told about how I had set the example by running away from Mom to Dad right after the end of eighth grade and how I took the New York City Speciality High School exam so I could go somewhere other than Houghton which I hated. It’s an old story, but I took my life in my hands and urged other kids to strive for independence. My message had very definitely sunk in with Ivanna.

   Nervy talked about how she loved all the big girls and missed Ivanna who taught her dancing and yoga and was home a lot more than I was. She also said she was glad that Ivanna emailed her and talked to her on the phone. “She’s not really gone,” my younger sister told the room full of stunned adults and teens.

   Then it was RoAnn’s turn to speak. “I don’t want to speak about my daughter,” she began. “We did not get along. We fought over her future. She ran away to her father. Anthony DiFranco and I have joint custody over Ivanna. That means that she really was not kidnapped. All I want for  her is to receive an adequate education.

   “Anthony and I were married in Sage Chapel the first year I was in grad school. Girls where I grew up always married young and I guess some of my upbringing had sunk into me deeper than I thought. Within six months of my marriage, I was pregnant. Ivanna was born at Tompkins County Community Hospital on west hill nearly eleven years ago. Anthony was there with me duiring the labor.

   “Anthony was always a fantastic father. I used to joke that he was the better parent. Part of me still wants to believe that. Of the two of us though, I was the better student. I am not sure why. I had lived all over the world and worked for all kinds of people. I was seven years away from academia. I asked lots of questions. I felt incredibly stupid, but I managed to fall in with the program, and produce research and….

   “For Anthony it was very different. He was the brilliant one. He is five years younger than I am and was a superstar at his prep school, and at Hamilton College, and then….I guess he took too much for granted or wasn’t ready for academic politics.

   “Anthony did not know how to mend bridges or keep them from burning. By the time Ivanna was a year old, he was out of the program and feeling worthless. He worked whatever jobs he could find and talked ugly when he came home. I did not need him dragging me down. I finally divorced him and ordered hom out of the house.

   “A lot of people don’t survive graduate school. They drift away. They drop out. They start over at another program. They earn their masters in one place and their PhD in another. They find another way to make a living, and the wrong turn in their lives vanishes.

   “You can argue about whether it was fair. The professors who ate my exhusband alive are still there and have probably hurt many others before and after. Most people need work though and it is human to hide your failings. This code of omerto protects those who do the damage.

   “Had Anthony gone back into academia or earned a K-12 teaching license or worked for a magazine or newspaper which would have put him around others with ties  to the system, he would have subscribed to the same omerto code that so many people do who don’t finish a PhD program.

   “Anthony chose another path. He worked odd jobs. And he told the world about his experience. He wrote free lance and he could write what he wanted because the store, construction company, his parents, whomever, paid the bills.

   “Meanwhile, Anthony remained a devoted and excellent father. We had written the custody agreement to allow him to substitute child care in lieu of child support. He was a superb baby sitter.

   “When I got my PhD and my job in Scranton, I went to court to amend our custody agreement for Ivanna to reduce Anthony’s child support. I did not want him in trouble for money he could not pay and did not have. I admired Anthony in an odd way for retaining his voice and keeping his dignity even if it meant a life of poverty. Maybe it was his job to be the voice of the disappointed.

   “Then my exhusband found a way out of poverty. He runs a construction company. He reestablished contact with Ivanna and I encouraged it. I even sent her to see him last Thanksgiving and she saw him again at Christmas.

   “Of course Anthony still writes. He has even found a movement that is congenial with his point of view. You can guess it’s name.

   “You can see why I am concerned that Ivanna receives a standard education. Anthony believe most of the time he spent learning standard academic subjects was worthless an that he was set up to run in his own words: “a giant hamster wheel.” He wants to save others from the same fate. I don’t want him to save my daughter.”

   People clapped. They were surprised RoAnn had shared so much. I felt relieved. RoAnn knew her target. It also meant as she explained to my mom on the way back to New York, that the hearing to amend Anthony and her custody agreement in Ithaca was not going to be about custody at all but about a guarantee of education for Ivanna.

   “And what if the judge lets Ivanna stay with Anthony?” Mom asked.

   “That’s fine with me,” answered RoAnn. “She was very unhappy in New York once she learned she couldn’t continue at Friends next year.”

   “They ought to strip those private schools of their accreditation,” Mom answered.

   “Aren’t charters more important?” asked RoAnn.

   “For now, but the next battle is putting places like Friends and Houghton out of business.”

   I admired my mom. I knew the fight had consumed her though just as a different fight had consumed Anthony DiFranco if RoAnn was to be believed. The fight consumes the adults and the kids are left on their own. Sitting in a corner of the back seat of the truck, Nervy had fallen asleep, curled up like a small worm. RoAnn was driving to LaGuardia to drop Mom off. She had an eight pm plane back to Austin, Texas and would not be able to eat dinner with us.

   After RoAnn dropped off Mom who did not wake the sleeping Nervy Worm, RoAnn told me: “Sammy sent the letter, late last night. He is coming home Tuesday or Wednesday.”

   “Dad missed everything,” was all I could say back.

   “I’ll bring him up to date,” my stepmother replied.

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